The Aftermath

It's the day after one like many before, except I'm completely erased from his memory and heart. So, why the hell can't I do the same.? At night when I close my eyes I often wonder if he's doing ok, and safe and most of all happy. They say time heals the heart and to move on and one day love and happiness will fall in your lap. I have doubts now, do they really know this to be true? I for one don't believe any of it, I feel that when you give a piece of your heart and its been torn apart, it's a piece of you that dies too, esp when the feeling isn't reciprocated. The last thing I told him wasn't that I loved him , It was that he was a p**** for not breaking up with me in person or telling me,but through ignoring me , I also called him an A******, and had hoped he'd feel the same hurt I'm feeling. Truth is I don't wish this hurt on anyone even him, but anyone who goes through these things knows it's in stages. Usually 1) shock 2) grief/crying 3)anger 4) healing process begins only after first three happen.
I wanted so much to prove that I was indeed changing and doing better, but in some eyes it isn't good enough , their standards are too high. When that same person says I am happy your a really nice girl and couldn't hurt you, be the one to hurt you and say awful things ie...you stress me out therefore, when you call,email or text me I don't answer. Or when they feel your unstable because of stress and things, they ignore you and not help but leave you to the cold, and to suffer with hurt and pain and isn't willing to be there for you as they once claimed.
This person truly is a nice guy,very smart, great standards, and is genuinely awesome.... So, I think more now that I think of it, perhaps I wasn't the only one with issues. The past is always there as for some who can let it go in time and move on and let by gones be by gones , there are those as in his case who lives it almost everyday, filled with regrets,sorrow and sadness. I feel sorry for him for he who has but a few great friends and more online friends may he truly, know I wanted to still be there , though he erased me ,may he in time see what a "REAL" friend is in me and that someday he knows that the regret of erasing me , is after all just the aftermath of a failed understanding of who I am...